


Blindfold

by MansiJain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial, Everyone Is Alive, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Harry Potter is not teddy's godfather, Homophobia, Humiliation, M/M, No war, Public Humiliation, Slash, draco doesn't hurt or humiliate harry, teddy lupin is Harry's age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-01-31 22:22:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12691359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MansiJain/pseuds/MansiJain
Summary: A drunk kiss with Draco makes Harry accept that he is gay. He comes out of his denial and tells his parents. James disowns him and he leaves for Sirius's place.Despite knowing that he is gay, Draco is not ready to come out yet. By the time he tells his parents and follows Harry, Harry already has a boyfriend. Magical AUAngstExplicithomophobiadenialtroubled Harry





	1. A drunk Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> All rights belong to Rowling and the relevant corporations. I make no money from the publication of this "work."

_**Title: Blindfold** _

_**Summary: Harry is a troubled, lonely boy who has no friends. His busy parents have no insight into his life. A drunk kiss with Draco makes him question his sexuality. Somehow he makes himself believe that the kiss was nothing but a mistake due to excess alcohol in his system. However Draco wants him too much to let him live in his land of denial. The sexual tension becomes difficult to ignore for Harry when Draco comes to stay in his manor. Magical AU. Angst**_

Disclaimer: Not mine

Warnings: MA. Explicit. Slash. Homophobia. Denial.

A/N: I will write this in first person. It will have Harry's and Draco's POV and I will mention the person's name as well. Harry and Draco might seem OO character. It is an alternate universe. No Voldemort. No war. Also, Hogwarts is not a boarding school. It has living arrangements, though.

_**I will appreciate it if you review. Please enjoy reading.** _

**_Chapter-1_ **

**_A drunk kiss_ **

**Harry**

Sunlight that streams in my room through the window awakens me from my sleep and I yawn before rubbing my eyes and closing them again in a last attempt to sleep for some more time. A couple of minutes later, I realize that there is no point of trying to sleep again and blink my eyes open, staring at the ceiling above me.

"Master Harry." I almost jump in surprise when Dobby speaks out of nowhere and look at him before speaking quietly, "Please knock before entering my room."

"Yes. Master Harry. Mistress Lily is being requesting your presence at the breakfast table." Dobby squeaks, his ear bobbing up and down and his eyes wide.

"Tell her that I am not hungry." I mutter and sit up, my back against the head board.

"But, master Harry-"

I cut him off with a firm, "Please leave Dobby. I am not hungry." He nods and disappears from my sight. I sigh and stare outside the window. The day is nice and sunny. After a long time, it's not raining and so I get out of my bed and walk towards my balcony after putting my glasses on. I am still in just my pajamas and the cool breeze feels good on my bare chest.

It brings memories of something else that had felt heavenly in the forefront of my mind and I breathe deeply before expelling the thoughts. It was just a mistake and I really, really need a girlfriend. Perhaps I should accept Ginny's proposal. She is a nice girl and has had a crush on me ever since... ever since she laid her eyes on me really.

A week is still left until the school opens and it is getting harder for me to ignore it. He was just so- I close my eyes as the overwhelming feeling of his lips on mine makes a comeback and I can't help but remember how it had felt to have his body pressed against mine.

I am not gay. Just because I have never had a girlfriend, it doesn't mean that I am gay. It just means that I am not ready for anyone yet. It was a mistake and perhaps too much alcohol had made me believe that he was a girl. There is no other explanation for this.

"Harry." Mum calls and I turn around. She is inside my room in her dress robes. It's not a surprise. This is her routine. She is a busy woman and I am sure she has to leave in a few minutes. Father had left for a business trip a week back so I am mostly alone. I gaze at people walking and laughing on the street to pass time when I am not studying or reading.

"Yes." I reply and move inside.

"You didn't have dinner yesterday and you didn't even have your breakfast today. What's the matter?" She asks me and I am surprised that she remembers.

"I am not hungry." I shrug and settle down on the edge of my bed, staring at the floor, my hands joined between my parted knees. It's too early to have this discussion. I don't want to talk to her about it.

"Harry, if there's something you need to tell me, please don't hesitate." She whispers and I nod.

She continues, "Actually, there is something I need to tell you."

I look questioningly at her and she replies, "Malfoys are leaving for a trip to the Bahamas for the remainder of Draco's summer vacation so he will be staying here until Hogwarts starts. He will arrive in half an hour."

I stare at her, stunned. The shock wears off and is replaced by panic.

"What... why is he staying here?" I ask, my voice a little rushed due to the alarm I am feeling.

"His mother requested me. I couldn't deny and he will live at Hogwarts after your school starts until his parents return." Mother mutters, shrugging carelessly and I stare at her.

"I don't want him to stay here. He is a git. You can't expect me to tolerate him during my holidays." I protest, my hands clenched on my pajamas and she replies after settling down on a chair, "You don't have any friends Harry. You don't talk to anyone. You don't go anywhere and when you do talk, it's to argue with Draco. You don't even have a girlfriend. You should mingle with people."

"Hmmmm." I mutter noncommittaly and get up to return to my balcony.

"Harry." Mum calls me and I ignore her, instead placing my hands on the railing and looking outside.

She leaves a second later and I mutter, "Fuck." I don't want him anywhere near me. At Hogwarts, it would be easy to just disappear but here at my own house, it's going to be impossible to ignore him.

I will have to call Ginny for a while so that he understands that I am not interested in him like that. Having taken the decision, I walk inside and firecall Ginny and ask her to come in about forty minutes. She agrees and I walk inside my bathroom to take a shower.

XXXX

**Draco**

"I don't understand why you chose to stay with them?" Mother asks me. We are standing at the door of their manor and I shrug carelessly, choosing not to answer her. I can't answer truthfully anyways. She doesn't know about my reality and I don't want her to know until I get a job for myself.

"Draco. I am talking to you. Your father was asking as well. We thought that you despise their son."

"Can I ring the bell mother or do you want to spend a while asking me things I won't answer." I reply bluntly and she sighs.

"Draco... don't be like that darling. We are worried for you."

"Don't be. Enjoy your trip. I will enjoy my vacations. I don't need you to hover around me all the time." I mutter and she sighs again. Instead of saying anything else, she just rings the bell and the door is opened by an elf.

"Mistress Lily is being in the sitting room. Please come in." He mutters and I walk in, dragging my trunk behind me. Mother settles down opposite Mrs. Potter and they start talking to each other. I tune them out. My eyes are searching for him. Ever since I have tasted his lips, I have lost interest in others. He is still living in the land of denial and perhaps wants to spend his life in it. But I want him. It's as easy as that. His lips were delicious. He smelled good and he felt nice.

That day, Blaise had spiked Harry's drinks and he had kissed me. He had been the one to initiate it and he had also been the one to end it. He had freaked out and I have not been able to get him out of my mind ever since.

"Draco dear." Mrs. Potter whispers and I ask her, "Where is Harry?"

"Oh!" She asks, her eyebrows raised in surprise, "He must be in his room. Dobby will show yours to you. Feel at home."

"Thank you." I reply graciously and smile at her before getting up and following Dobby. He is no-where to be seen and I wonder where he is. I wish I could kiss him again.

"This is being your room, Master Draco." Dobby squeaks and I look at the elf, "Which one is Harry's?"

"The room next to yours." The elf mutters and looks at the room next to mine. I nod and the elf leaves me alone. I walk inside the room and sit down on the bed, wondering why I had to choose him. I have fucked many boys in the past but no-one has really caught my fancy. Harry has been more of a nemesis to me ever since I have known him. We have always either quarreled or ignored each other.

I had not expected him to be gay. It had been more of a shock for me.

I had been washing my hands in the restroom and he had just finished washing his hands when he looked at me with drunk eyes. Before I knew it, he had pulled me by my collar and was kissing me passionately, his hands wrapped tightly around my forearms. I had pushed him against the wall and had given as good as I got. But then, just after a few minutes, he had realized what he was doing and had shoved me away before stumbling out of the restroom. I had stayed there, on the floor and had touched my lips trying to figure out if it had even happened.

I sigh and try to will my erection away. I wonder how I am going to stay away from him while I try to make him realize that being gay is not equivalent to being abnormal.

XXXX

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	2. Panic

_**Chapter-2** _

_**Panic** _

**Harry**

"Harry." Ginny whispers and I try to smile at her. It's impossible though. Mum has already left and right now I am sitting at the breakfast table. Ginny is sitting beside me and he is sitting just across me. His silver eyes are piercing and I am looking at my plate to avoid them.

Beads of sweat are gathering on my face. He is doing nothing except just staring at me but I can't help it. I was the one who had kissed him. What had gotten into me?

"Harry." Ginny presses again and I look at her and try to speak politely, "Please leave me alone. I was not thinking when I decided to-"

"What the fuck is this Harry? Did you have to insult me like this? You could just have ignored me. But you had to call me here and - and- I fucking hate you, you bastard." She hisses at me and leaves, her heels stomping angrily as she walks out. The subsequent silence in the room is deafening.

I close my eyes and try to breathe properly. My eyes are wet and I am sweating profusely. My heart is racing and my face feels too warm.

"Calm down." I hear him whisper and look at him. His gaze is still penetrating me.

He is wearing a sweatshirt and black trousers to go with them. I can't ignore the fact that he looks good, too good to ignore. Why did he have to come here?

I breathe erratically as I stare at him. He is the bane of my existence. I was happy. I was cool with having no friend or girlfriend. Why did he have to destroy everything?

Our eyes meet, his calm and frozen in time and mine crazed.

"Look, I am not interested in you like that. I was drunk and I hadn't known who I was kissing." I whisper and look back at my plate. I haven't been able to take a proper meal ever since vacations have started. He has made me loose my appetite. I can't concentrate on anything except him.

"You are really going to ignore it. I mean- are you kidding?" He murmurs and I get up, my hands trembling with rage as I walk towards him.

Alarmed he gets up too and backs off but I am insanely furious. That's why I punch him. He falls down and I straddle him before punching his face again and again.

"Bloody pervert. I am not like that. I am not." I hiss and go on punching him. I know that I am just venting out at him and that this is wrong but he has turned my life upside down. His constant presence is doing things to me that I don't want to feel.

He tries to stop me but he doesn't punch me back. By the time, I am done, his lips and nose are bleeding. He eyes are black and I pull his collar to compel him to look into my eyes before murmuring sharply, "Don't mess with me Malfoy. I am not a fag. It's just that I haven't found the right girl yet. You just keep your filthy hands to yourself."

This being said, I pull back and storm towards my room with burning eyes and trembling hands.

XXXX

**Draco**

"Ahh." I moan as I wipe my lips. Merlin, it hurts. After he stormed away, I returned to my room. Currently, I am sitting at the edge of my bed, trying to heal the wounds he gave to me.

A knock on the door brings me out of my musings and I call, "Come in", wondering if it's Dobby. But the door is opened by a very nervous looking Harry Potter and I am surprised to see him here.

"Can I come in?" He whispers and I nod. He walks in and I notice that he is carrying a first aid box.

I place my hands on my knees and wait for him to say something.

"I brought this to clean your wounds." He whispers and I look into his green eyes.

I can understand his panic. I remember the first time I had realized that I am gay. It was not pretty and though I had not hit anybody, I had created quite a mess of my room.

I wait for him to come forward and he walks slowly. I can see that he is scared. The way he kneels between my legs on his knees displays his hesitance and I decide to let him set the pace. Perhaps if I give the reigns to him, it will get better.

He applies some ointment on the cotton and looks into my eyes before applying it on my lips and the skin around my lips.

His curiosity overshadows his fear and his fingers trace my lower lip and it's driving me crazy. But I dare not rush him. That he is giving in to his curiosity so suddenly is a surprise in itself.

But then his eyes flash and he removes his fingers from my lips and I realize that he was doing it subconsciously.

Next time he is careful to apply the ointment on the effected areas and he doesn't touch me other than that.

When he is done, he pulls his hands back and simply looks at me for a few moments. I really really want to caress his cheeks and take him in my arms. My arms are aching to feel him but I simply can't rush him. 

I don't want another episode of his panic because right now he is guilty and upset and I don't like it.

"It's okay. I understand." I whisper and he nods. He wants to say something but then thinks otherwise and bites his lower lip. His eyes panic and he gets up hurriedly. Within seconds, he is gone and I am alone again.

The only good thing that has come out of this is that I know that at least he is interested in me.

I spend the rest of the morning in my room.

XXXX

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	3. Desperate

_**Chapter-3** _

_**Desperate** _

**Harry**

I am trying to complete my potions homework, trying because I suck at potions. Snape is a giant git and for some unknown reason, he despises me. I don't even talk to him but he has to pick on me. The essays he has assigned to us are difficult and I simply hate the man.

"Fucking asshole." I mumble and try to find the description of the ingredients for the fucking potion.

A knock on the door breaks my concentration and I sit up before muttering, "Come in." The door opens and dad walks in, looking tired. I return to my books and ignore him.

"Harry." He murmurs after settling down on a chair beside my bed.

"Yes." I murmur.

"Harry. Look at me." He repeats and finally I look at him, "Lily told me that you haven't been eating properly ever since your vacations have started. If there is something you need to discuss-"

"When are you there to discuss important things with me dad?" I ask him and he looks quietly at me before replying, "Who I am earning for Harry?"

I don't answer and turn towards my book. I have bigger problems right now.

"Harry, please talk to me." He says and I don't answer him. What shall I say? Dad, I like Draco Malfoy or dad, I want to kiss Draco Malfoy or perhaps dad I want to fuck his bloody brains out. What shall I tell him. Shall I tell him how disgusted I am of myself, how ashamed.

My fingers tremble and the quill falls on my parchment. My eyes well and father whispers worriedly, "What's the matter? Please tell me."

I take a long breathe and paste a smile on my face before looking at him, "I am fine. A bit of exam stress, that's it. Don't worry."

He looks at me for a few moments.

"Sure?" He asks and I nod, "Come have dinner with us. Lily told me that you have not stepped outside your room since morning. I don't think that Draco is misbehaving with you but if he is, tell me. I will send him away."

I shake my head before murmuring, "No. It's okay. He stays out of my hair. I have been busy with homework since morning."

"Okay. Come along. Staying cooped up for long is not good."

"You go on. I will be there in a minute." I mutter and he gets up to leave.

He is at the entryway when he turns around and mutters, "Oh! and yes, bring Draco with you."

"Okay." I say, trying to calm myself down. I don't want to see him. Why must dad ask me to call the git? It's so bloody unfair. I want to stay away with him. I want to scream at him that Draco makes me feel weird things but I can't. I can't accept it myself at the moment. How can I tell someone else about it. Ending my life will be better than confessing it. Dad would kill me anyways when he realizes that his only son is a shirtlifter.

He leaves and I stand, trying to gather my wits. After taking a few long breathes, I walk out of my room. His room is just next to mine and I knock on his door. No-one answers it so I knock again. But no-one answers it so I push the door. It's open and I walk inside. I can hear the shower running which means that he is taking a shower.

My heart-beats race and my curiosity peaks. I want to see him. I- I really want to look at him so badly. Why is he so handsome? He looks so good that I can't ignore the urge to just look at him only once.

I tiptoe towards the bathroom and open the door a bit. He is inside the shower stall, his naked body under the running water. He looks like a Greek god. He is cleaning his face and his back is facing me. He has a well-built body and muscular arms. His shoulders are broad but not more-so. I have a very strong urge of wrapping my arms around his middle and resting my face on his back. My eyes rove to his pert buttocks and I lick my lips. The urge to lick the water off his flawless skin is strong as well as disgusting. I have never been so ashamed of myself. His legs are parted a bit and I wish he would turn around a bit.

I swallow bile at this thought. I shouldn't want to see his hardness. I shouldn't want to lick his well-defined abs or belly or hips. I shouldn't want to kiss him into oblivion but I do and the urge is not going away. It's disgusting and then suddenly, he turns around and I back off before running out of his room towards mine. I am hard. He makes me hard. He shouldn't make me hard. It's so disgusting. I am a man. I shouldn't want a man.

I am sweating and suddenly, it feels too suffocating. I shrug my jacket off and walk towards my balcony in my pajamas and T-shirt, my chest heaving and my face drenched with sweat. The cool breeze is a little relief to my frenzied nerves and I breath deeply to calm them down before placing my hands on the railing and looking at the street below.

**Draco**

I knew that he was watching me. That he gave in to his curiosity is not surprising. I wanted him to continue watching me and he did and I had thought that perhaps he won't run away, that perhaps he will accept it now but I guess he isn't ready yet. It's hard. I know how hard it is. I know that it will be harder for him than it was for me. I was never attached to my parents. I have always defied them but Harry has always been a very closed boy. Rare are the circumstances when he talks. I have only ever seen him argue with me. He has no friends in school and by the looks of it at home as well.

He wasn't there at breakfast or lunch so I guess he doesn't have a very good relationship with his family. I don't have friends... I have acquaintances but then I don't need them. I accepted my sexuality long back and it didn't take me long to accept it. I just knew and yes I was frustrated but I knew that it was normal, that I was normal. I can see that it is more complicated for Harry.

I will have to make him realize that it's not wrong and it will be harder if his parents don't accept him. At-least I had Severus. I never spoke about it to him and he didn't ask me but he knows and he has always known. I don't know how or why but he does. It's surprising because my own parents never realized it.

I put on my pajamas and a shirt and walk towards his room. I am sure that he is freaking out because I saw him. I just want to tell him that I knew and that it's okay.

I enter his room and lock the door behind me. I don't want his parents to know yet. Harry needs time. He has to accept it first and only after that his parents must be told.

He is in the balcony and his fingers are on the railing. I can see a faint tremor in them. His pajamas are riding low and he is not wearing anything beneath. A patch of his skin is visible just above his waistband and I want to suck it. I want to kneel down and put my mouth there and taste his skin. I want to lick it and then I want to lick the crease of his hips. I breathe deeply and control my urge. I walk towards him and the way his back grows stiff tells me that he knows I am there. I don't touch him yet. I stand behind him. The distance between his back and my front is very less but I don't close it yet.

I want it so desperately that it's almost too painful but I don't touch him.

"I knew that you were watching." I whisper in a very soft voice, "I wanted you to watch."

He doesn't reply but his chest heaves a bit.

"Did you like what you saw?" I ask, my voice a purr and he breathes deeply.

"I wanted you to come inside." I continue and he shivers, "I wanted you to feel me. I wanted to kiss you. I really want to kiss you. I want it so much that it aches Harry. I want you like I haven't wanted anyone else, ever in my entire life."

His knees tremble and he leans towards the railing a bit. The movement lifts his shirt up and the patch of bare skin increases. Sweet merlin, it's so difficult to resist.

"You make me so crazy." I whisper and give in to my urge. I kneel on my knees and place my hand on his skin. My fingers ache to slide inside his pajamas but I don't let them. I touch his skin and revel in the feeling. He doesn't protest and so I feel bold enough to place my lips there, right where my hand is, above his waistband.

I open my lips and suck his delicious skin.

Bloody Merlin, he is delicious and I want him so much. But I know that I can't rush him. I can't pull his pajamas down, no matter how much I want it. I can't wrap my arms around his hardness.

I can't sleep in his arms and it's maddening because I have never wanted to do it before today. I just fuck and leave and that's it.

"You make me mad." I whisper on his skin and trail kisses on whatever skin is still visible to me. He is shaking so hard and suddenly, he whirls around. I get up and look into his panic-ridden eyes, his green eyes. Tears are streaming down them. He is weeping and I realize that I can't see it. It hurts to see him crying. The realization is stunning because I have never cared about anyone's tears. It has never mattered.

"Can I kiss you?" I ask and my voice breaks. His eyes become even more horrified once the words slip my mouth.

"No." He voice is a strangled whisper, a desperate plea. I back off and spread my hands in defeat, "All right."

He swallows and presses his back against the railing. I am afraid that he is debating whether to jump to his death or not. I never tried it but I know that people do wish to end their life once they realize that they are homosexual.

"You have to understand-" I start and he shakes his head hard before whispering brokenly, "I am not- not- gay. Get this in your head. I am not a fag."

He is in denial and I am worried for him. It is more complicated than I had originally thought. I wonder since when he has been denying this.

"It's not wrong. Liking boys is not wrong Harry. It feels so right to kiss you. It- how can this be wrong. You feel right. Please-"

"NO. Just get out of my room. I was not looking at you. I was checking- checking if you are hurt or not. I called you many times but you won't answer so I guess I was just worried that you were hurt or something." He lies and I can see that he is lying to himself too.

"Just - just promise me that you won't hurt yourself." I whisper and he yells at me, "Get out."

"NO. Promise me that you won't jump- that you won't hurt yourself in any way." I insist, keeping my distance from him. His eyes are crazed. They are manic and he is still panicking.

"All right. I- I won't hurt myself. Now go away. I will be down for dinner in a moment. Please go." He almost pleads me and I nod before turning around and leaving. I promise to come and check if he isn't down in five minutes. But, he follows me just a couple of minutes later, keeping a large distance from me, his eyes lowered towards the floor and his hands trembling.

I sigh, worried. If this continues, I will have to break my silence and talk to Severus about this.

XXXX

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	4. A Kiss

**_ Chapter-4 _ **

**_ A kiss _ **

**Draco**

He is upset. I can see that. He is staring at his soup instead of eating it. Mrs. Potter is staring at me. Her eyes are so expressive. I can see that she knows something. She looks at Harry's soup and then at me and then at his soup again. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. She nods.

I notice that his father is more interested in his newspaper than his son.

"Harry. If you don't like soup, you can eat something else." I say softly and Harry is so startled that his spoon drops from his hand, spilling his soup on his fingers. He moans a bit and I whisper, "Wait." before flicking my fingers a bit. In an instant, his fingers are fine and the spilled soup disappears. He doesn't look at me. I sigh and place a sandwich on his plate.

He still doesn't look at me but eats his sandwich silently. Mrs. Potter is studying me. It unnerves me. There is something I am missing here. I have rarely ever spoken to her, yet it seems that she knows me well.

Dispelling my thoughts, I concentrate on my food and on Harry's too.

Half an hour later, I am sitting on my bed, reading a novel written by the muggle author Sydney Sheldon. I like the author and the book as well. A knock interrupts me and I mark the page before murmuring, "Come in."

I am surprised to see Mrs. Potter at the door and wear my shirt hurriedly. I had expected it to be Harry since it's quite late.

She walks inside and closes the door before settling on the chair across the bed.

"Draco." She starts and I look at her, "I have not been a good mother to Harry. He has grown too distant from me and is not ready to open up to me even when I try but I do understand some things. I am not completely blind."

I stare at her in shock. So she knows and yet she is quiet about it. I open my mouth to make her understand but she shakes her head, "No. Don't say anything. He is too vulnerable as it is. He will think that you told me and it will only get worse. Let him take his time. I only want you to do me a small favor."

"Yes, please?" I ask and she continues, "Tomorrow morning, request me to let you stay over here after school starts. I don't think James will accept Harry's- well you know. I am worried for him and I want you to be there if James reacts violently."

I stare and simply keep on staring. Something is wrong because why would she trust me with this. I can see that she does. It's written all over her face.

"Okay." I say and she gets up. She is at the door when I hear her mumble, "I heard him sobbing when I passed his room just now."

Before I can stare at her once again, she is gone. I don't know what she expects from me. All I know is that I can't simply let Harry cry so I get up and decide to talk to him. He can't simply keep on ignoring it. It won't go away simply because he wants it too.

**Harry**

Tears stream relentlessly down my cheeks in darkness of my room. I want it to go away. i don't want to be attracted to him. I don't want to be attracted to a boy. I- why can't I make it go away? What will dad say when he knows?

A sob wracks my frame and I place my forearm over my forehead, laid on my bed. It's too early to sleep but it's harder to face myself in light. A knock on my door startles me and I sit up, muttering, "Come in." I wipe my eyes and a dark figure walks in. Instantly, I know that it's Draco.

"Why are you here? Go away." I snap at him and he closes the door behind him before leaning against it.

"I am having nightmares. Can't sleep alone. Can I sleep here?" He asks me and I deny, "No you can't. Go away."

"But I am having nightmares. Please. I won't bother you. I just want to sleep." He insists and I don't understand why Malfoy has to be such a pain. I know that he is lying.

"I am not queer. Go away. I am not going to accept it." I snap furiously at him, my voice breaking on the way and he sighs deeply, "We will take one step at a time. I just wish to get some sleep. Do you mind?"

"I do. I don't want you to assault me, you fag." I hiss at him and it's easier to say all this when I can't look at his face. This way, I don't have this urge to be near him.

"I won't. Now can I sleep." He says, not sounding offended at all.

"All right, you bloody fag. Come and sleep. Keep your filthy hands away from me." I hiss at him and he doesn't grant me the satisfaction because he is not offended at all. He only mutters, "Thanks." and walks towards my bed to lay on it.

He gets upon the bed and lays down silently. I turn back towards him and face on the other side, expecting him to do something, anything but he doesn't and I want him to try something so badly. I wait for a couple of minutes but he doesn't do anything. He doesn't even move and it's frustrating and disgusting at the same time. The fact that I want him to do something is disgusting and the fact that he is not doing anything is frustrating.

After a few very painful minutes, I decide to sit up and murmur, "Draco."

He replies in a heart beat, still laid down on the bed, "Yes." His hands are resting behind his head and he is staring at the ceiling.

I don't reply, not knowing what I want. He sits up too, his back against the head board.

"Can I turn the lights on?" He asks me and I speak after a few moments, "Yes." He does and looks at me. I am not sobbing now. I am still sad and I am still not fine but I don't want to cry. But now I can look at me and realize that it was better when it was dark. I avert my eyes and mutter, "Turn off the lights."

He does. In just another second, it's completely dark once again. I sit against the head board silently, not knowing what to do, not knowing what I want.

"What do you want?" He whispers in the silence of night and I reply back, my voice low, "I don't know."

"Can I sit close to you?" He asks me and my heart races for some reason. I have never felt this, not with Ginny or Cho and they are the only girls I attempted to date.

"Yes." I whisper softly and he locks the door by flicking his hand before shifting closer to me, close enough that our thighs touch each other.

"Harry, look at me." I do. I turn my face towards his and in darkness, I can't see him. It makes this easier.

His face moves closer to mine and I breathe deeply. His closeness is doing weird things to me. It feels like electricity is passing through my body and he hasn't even touched me yet.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, his voice a whisper and I nod. Somehow, he can see that nod and closes the distance between our lips.

He takes my lower lip between his and sucks it, taking his sweet time. It seems that my body is on fire. I have never felt like this. It doesn't seem wrong but it still does.

Then his tongue enters my mouth softly and I can't think of anything else. His hand holds the back of head gently and the kiss becomes passionate. But then he moves even closer to me and our upper bodies are touching and he is suddenly sliding his hand inside my shirt and I can't ignore the fact that he is a boy and that this is disgusting and I am so ashamed of myself that I pull away from him before wiping my lips. The kiss has only lasted for a minute but it is - it was so passionate and so beautiful that I am feeling everything at once. I want to kiss him but I don't. I want this urge to go away but I have never felt so alive in my life. 

He moves closer to me and tries to kiss me again but I place my hand on his chest and push him away very gently before flicking the light on.

His body shifts and I miss his warmth. It is strange. I want him so much. Why do I want him so much? It is so wrong, so unethical, so immoral. I can only kiss a girl. My body is shaped that way. Everyone has always implied that wanting a boy is wrong for me. I don't want to want him and I control my fucking desire to pull him closer to me, to cover my body with his, to feel each and every part of his body, to connect to him in every possible way. I want to embrace him, to kiss each and every part of him, to feel myself inside him. It's agonizing to go against my desires. He is so- he looks so nice and his lips are red and soft and his eyes are beautiful and I want to trace them with my fingers. I want to touch him so desperately that my eyes well as I look at him. 

"No." Yet, I whisper softly yet firmly and he stops right then and pulls further away from me. 

He stares at me and swallows, his eyes desperate.

"You are still going to ignore it." He asks me or rather says it and tries to place his hand on my cheeks, probably to caress them. I can't look at his well-kissed lips or hair that I have messed up with my own hands so I look away from him and he doesn't say anything else. He just gets up and leaves me alone with my own thoughts. 

I stare at the closed door with discontent etched on my face.

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	5. Forbidden Love

**_ Chapter-5 _ **

**_ Forbidden Love _ **

**Harry**

I wake up when I am sure that I can't sleep any more. It's the middle of the night and the credit of my sleeplessness goes to Draco. I can't think straight any more. All I can think about is his kiss.

I turn around and I try to lay down again but I simply can't sleep. So I choose the only alternative that seems suitable.

I get out of my bed and walk towards his room. I walk inside without knocking the door. He is sleeping and it's dark.

I tiptoe inside, trying to make as little voice as possible but a soft voice reaches my, "Whose there?"

"It's me." I say and Draco sits up before rubbing his eyes.

**Draco**

I flick the lights on and stare at him. I don't understand him. One moment, he pushes me away and the other moment, he follows me. His green eyes are blank. No matter how much I try to understand him, I can't.

"What time is it?" I ask and he replies, "2:30 AM"

I stare some more. He is just standing there, leaning against the closed door silently. I am trying to figure out why he is here in the middle of the night because I don't think he is going to help me there.

I keep on staring silently until finally, he walks towards me. I realize that I am sleeping in just my pajamas when he sits in front of me, his thighs almost touching my crossed legs.

He is staring at my chest and I guess this is his latest form of torture. His eyes have frozen on my nipples which are hardening under his gaze.

Helplessly, I reach for my shirt but he stops me, "Don't."

I stop and look at him, wondering what he wants from me. This is sheer torture.

Without saying another word, he gets up and crawls on the other side of the bed and stares at the ceiling, his hands below his head.

I flick the lights off and lie back down.

"What do you want?" I ask softly.

"I don't know." He says and I know that he is being honest.

I have tried and tried to control myself but I can't anymore. He is making it impossible for me. Everything about him is irresistible. If he doesn't want me, he can stay away but no he has to wake me up in the middle of the night and just make me so mad.

**Harry**

I stare at the ceiling silently. I don't really know why I am here. I must not be here. If dad catches me, I will be dead. Being gay is taboo for dad. Dad abhors homosexuals. He wants me to have a girlfriend and bring her home. He asks me about it whenever he returns home from his trips.

All the thoughts flee from my mind when Draco moves close to me. My heartbeats start racing and a shiver crawls up my spine.

He traces his finger tips on my chest and I regret wearing my shirt. His fingers graze my nipples through the shirt and I close my eyes.

It feels so nice, so bloody nice that I don't want him to stop.

"How does it feel?" He asks me, his voice a soft whisper and I don't answer. I can't. My throat seems clamped and my hands are trembling.

He comes closer to me and opens two buttons of my shirt. I swallow, trying to calm down my racing heart.

His palm rubs my chest and he looks at me, his face close to mine and even in the darkness, I can see desire in his eyes. Lust is there but there is something else too.

Very slowly, he leans forward and closes the distance between our lips. It's so overwhelming that I can barely breathe. His hand is caressing my neck and he is devouring my lips.

He sucks my tongue in his mouth and presses the tips of our tongues. I close my eyes and try to kiss him with abandon.

But then his hands wander towards my pajamas and the shame and fear return and I can't take it anymore.

I push him away and he tries to kiss my neck instead. Panicked, I punch his face and he pulls back with a moan.

**Draco**

I flick the lights on and sit back furiously, my hands on my nose. It's bleeding and so are my lips.

I am frustrated. He is impossible. What does he expect from me. What does he want from me. Fool that I am, I gravitate towards his lips again. He shoves me away and pulls back before staring at me with blank eyes. They are not sad or guilty. I can not see anything except desire in them. But he insists upon denying himself. I don't understand why.

"Fuck you, Potter." I hiss at him and grimace while wiping off the blood beneath my nose.

"Fuck you. Get out of my sight." I mutter in a very frustrated voice and walk towards my bathroom, not bothering to spare another glance to him. I glance at myself in the mirror. He has done a number on me.

I conjure some cotton and apply the antiseptic that is placed on the wash basin on the skin beneath my nose.

A few minutes later when the wound is finally clean, I wash my face thoroughly and walk out of the bathroom after drying my face off with the towel.

When I notice him standing by the wall, simply staring towards the bathroom door, my rage flares and I snap at him, "You are still here. Get out."

He doesn't even move from his spot.

"Will you say something?" I hiss at him, my arms crossed.

"It's my home. You can't ask me to get out." He whispers, his voice low, his eyes bloody blank and my patience finally wears thin. I am simply done with him. It's better not being around him than being rejected in such a brutal manner.

He overwhelms me. He makes me so damn crazy. I can't think of anything but him when he is around me and it's getting suffocating now. I want him so badly. Does he have to be so damn complicated.

"All right. Then I'll leave." I mutter and summon my trunk before throwing my things into it.

**Harry**

I don't want him to leave. The need to make him stay is so desperate that I have to swallow a couple of times to stop the tears from streaming down my eyes. He doesn't get it. He doesn't understand my dilemma. He isn't really out. He is not even out to his parents. He doesn't understand that we live in a very homophobic environment.

I don't want to be gay. I don't want this sickness. I want to be normal. I wish I was normal but I am not and it is getting even more difficult to pretend.

I want him and now I am scared for him. I am terrified of what will happen when the news that we are gay gets out. Even if I am able to hide it, he won't. He is brave that way and I am a coward.

That's why when he zips his trunk, I move. In two steps, I have reached him and have pushed him away from his trunk.

In another second, I am kissing him. I am not just kissing him. I am pouring all my pent up frustration in this kiss. He moans and his hands tremble as he places them on my buttocks. I twist his head a little and enter his mouth. The little sounds that escape his mouth are delicious.

I want to cover his body with mine. I want him to know just how much I want him so I push him until he is pressed against the wall and press my erection against his. He gasps in my mouth and I pull back after placing a soft kiss on his parted lips. Our lips are almost touching and I can't see anything except his eyes.

Something is roaring inside me as I stare into his shocked, beautiful eyes. I can't name it. It's a desire, a desire to know his most intimate secrets, a desire to feel myself inside him, a desire to hear him scream my name as he comes.

I swallow my tears as I stare into his eyes but I can't prevent my eyes from welling. My lips tremble and I can't quieten the lion roaring inside me. It's like it's demanding me to join our lips again so I do. I press my lips to his in a slow and soft kiss. I close my eyes and wrap one arm around his middle and place the other on his head and kiss him with all I have got.

Is this so wrong? I just want him? Is this- this so immoral? Am I sick? Even as I kiss him, tears roll down my cheeks because I still feel that I am sick. I have been raised that way. Dad has always made me feel that this is wrong and mum has never denied or accepted his views.

If I decide to follow my heart, it will be Draco and me against this world, against my parents, against Draco's parents, against everyone. No-one will accept us. We will be bullied and it's quite possible for it to get dirtier then that. They might try to separate us which will somehow be worse because now that I have tasted him, I can't stay away from him. I tried and I just know that I can't, no matter how much I try.

Even as I sob into his mouth, I don't pull back. I can't. His lips are intoxicating, irresistible. It's- I can't stop kissing him, stop loving him.

Love.

I think that I am falling for him. This must be love even if it is sick, perverse, immoral, unethical because it seems that I can't stay away from him.

It is he who detaches our lips and stares at me with stunned eyes. I stare at him and a sob wracks my body. My lips tremble and my eyes well and I pant, trying to keep the tears in but they don't. I cover my face with my hands and sob.

I have finally accepted that I am gay, that I like- no I love him, no matter how sick, immoral wrong or forbidden it is. I don't think that I can accept it completely yet. It will take a bit of time but I have accepted it enough to know that I need him.

But it still doesn't change anything because our world is conservative, orthodox and they will consider us evil, demonic for desiring each other.

Helplessly, I fall on my knees and cry. In just a couple of days, everything has fallen apart. I don't know what to do. I don't know whom to ask for help.

At-least, I was living peacefully, if not happily but now I know that my days are numbered. I have to do something before - before it's too late, before it's too late.

"Why are you crying, Harry?" He asks me, knelt in front of me, his arms wrapped around my shoulders. He doesn't understand. He has chosen to ignore the world around us.

"Harry. Tell me. What's the matter?"

I don't answer. I just keep on sobbing on his shoulders, my hands resting on his back.

"Harry."

"Harry. Bloody answer me."

"Harry."

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	6. Come Out

_**Chapter-6** _

_**Come out** _

**Draco**

I still don't know why Harry had broken out last night. A few minutes later, he had ceased sobbing and had kissed my forehead softly before getting up and returning to his bedroom.

I really wish that he would tell me about it. What is the point of keeping everything inside. Right now, we are sitting in the dining room with his parents having breakfast quietly.

He looks less haunted and is actually eating something for a change. He is sneaking glances at me every now and then though he doesn't smile back when I do.

"What do you do inside your rooms all day, both of you?" Mr Potter asks all of a sudden and I roll my eyes. Harry's reaction is quite different though. He starts coughing. I pour a glass of water for him and he takes a few sips before settling down once again.

"We have homework Mr. Potter." I mutter and he looks at me curiously, "No girl friends?"

"No-" I start and Harry coughs again. Our eyes meet and he looks sharply at me.

"Not yet." I change my words. I had been about to say 'not interested'.

The man doesn't reply and returns to reading his newspaper. I wipe my mouth and stand up.

"Excuse me." I mutter and excuse myself from the table. I walk towards my room, lost in my thoughts. I wonder how Mr. Potter will react when he realizes that Harry is gay. I wonder how my parents would react. I haven't told them yet. Even my friends don't know. I walk into Harry's room instead of mine. We can say that we are just doing homework if someone asks.

I sit on the edge of the bed and cover my face with my hands, a bit worried.

A few moments later, the door opens and closes and I uncover my face.

**Harry**

It's good that mum and dad will be gone for the day. I want to talk to Draco about it. Now that I have finally accepted that I am gay, no matter how reluctantly, I have to take some precautions. I have to take some decisions. People won't be kind to us when we come out. Dad would be angry. I can't even imagine his reaction. I can't imagine the kind of treatment we will receive at Hogwarts. I don't want to imagine it.

Homosexuality is the only reason Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus are not talked about in our house. Long back I had overheard mum and dad talking about it. I had been very small at that time. Suddenly, my godfathers had stopped meeting me and I had wondered why.

I had heard mum and dad fighting over this and had understood it long after. I wonder if I have been denying my urges ever since I understood the real reason of their disappearance.

I open my door and walk inside and not surprised to see Draco sitting on my bed.

I sit on the chair opposite to my bed and lean back before spreading my legs comfortably.

"What had happened yesterday?" He asks me and I look silently at him. Did he have to turn my entire life upside down. It seems that the clock is ticking, that I don't have much time left. I want to be angry at him but can't.

"Your face is blank. I can't read it. Will you say something?" He mutters. He is so very impatient. How will he tolerate the disrespect that we receive from others.

"Harry." He says and I look at him, testing him. My hands are on the arm rest and my eyes are frozen on his face. I can see that his patience is wearing thin. I can see that he is on the verge of snapping at me.

He is on the Slytherin Quidditch team and I know that he loves playing. it's quite likely that he will be kicked out of it for being gay. I wonder if he wants to keep our relationship, if we can even call it that at this moment, secret.

"Bloody hell, will you say something, you bastard." He finally hisses at me and I murmur calmly, "You think everything is easy... you have no patience at all. How will you tolerate the treatment others would subject us to when we come out as a couple or...do you intend to keep our relationship a secret forever? Do you intend to marry a pureblood girl your parents wish you to marry and fuck me on sidelines."

**Draco**

I stare at him. His green eyes are blank once again. I wonder why he wasn't sorted in Slytherin. He is so calm... so controlled unlike me. Right now, I am sweating. I really had not intended to come out to my parents but then nor had Harry. So I decide to blame him instead.

"Yeah, as if you are going to come out to your dad. You are a coward Potter. Merlin knows why you were sorted in Gryffindor." I snap at him and he looks blankly at me before murmuring, his body very still and his voice very confident, "I am telling him today."

I stare at him, shocked. Just yesterday, he was not ready to accept his own reality and today he is ready to tell his parents about it.

"You are bluffing." I mutter, amazed and he replies, his eyes on the ceiling, "Watch me." When he looks at me, I notice that his eyes are wet. He is not crying, no but he does seem on the verge. The longer he looks into my eyes, more sure I am that he won't cry, at least not in front of me.

Everything about him is so controlled, so measured. I wonder if he has been controlling it for years now. Maybe he has because he seems used to it.

"Get out of my room." He mutters calmly and I blink before asking, "What did you say?"

"Get out of my room."

"But why- I don't understand you. Just yesterday you were behaving like- and today you are asking me to get out. I mean- did I say something offensive?" I ask and he gets up. I think that he is going to come towards me. But he doesn't. He walks towards his balcony and stands there, his eyes towards the street.

I sigh and get up. Then I follow him. I have just opened the door when he mutters, "Please leave Draco. It's going to be difficult as it is."

"We can face it together." I whisper, my back against the wall. He is not even turning around to look at me.

"Can you?" He asks me quietly and I open my mouth and then close it again. I really don't want to come out right now.

"I thought so. Please leave unless you want dad to think that I have caught this sickness from you. He is not really very fond of your family.", He whispers, his voice heavy and I want to tell him that I can face my parents, that I can come out. I want to say so many things but I can't. I am not ready to face them yet. I was happy until yesterday, happy to keep it hidden.

I place my hand on the door and stare at his back. When I don't leave, he turns around and sighs, his arms crossed.

"I always knew it, somewhere inside my heart... I did. I denied it all along. I told myself that I just don't like dating. I stopped looking at people and concentrated on my studies. But then, I was drunk that day and you were looking so nice. Your lips are red and luscious and I couldn't keep it in. I haven't been able to deny myself since then. I am tired of hiding what I am. I have watched couples enjoy with each other." He says and stares at the ceiling, his eyes lost, "I have watched them kiss and all along I have told myself that I don't want it. But I guess that I do. I have always considered it a sickness which can't be cured. I am tired of pretending that I am sick because I am not. You can pretend that you are not affected by the fact that you are gay. You can pretend that you are happy but I can see that you aren't, even though it was you who compelled me to finally accept it. Please leave unless- unless you want dad to know because even I have my limits. You are so so handsome. I just can't resist anymore. I am sure I will do something very stupid like kissing you in front of him."

He looks at me and blinks a couple of times. I am stunned speechless. We look at each other. He expects me to leave but I don't.

True to his words, he breathes heavily and in just another second, his lips are on mine, his hands are on my shoulders. He is kissing me urgently, desperately.

Suddenly, we hear the door open and he pushes away with a jerk, turning around to stare at the street below. I can see his shoulders heaving as he pants. My heart is thundering inside my chest.

"Harry, where are you?" It's Mr. Potter and I am glad that Harry pushed away. I am so relieved.

I realize that he is right. I am not ready to come out. I can't. I am too terrified to tell others. I wipe my lips and card my fingers through my hair before pasting a smile on my face.

"Harry." Mr. Potter mutters again and opens the door. I smile and take my leave. I want to listen to them but I can't. I am too terrified. I walk towards my own room, my steps hurried. Mrs. Potter freezes when she watches me, staring at me with guarded eyes. I don't how but she knows. I avert my eyes from hers and walk inside my room.

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	7. Dad, I am Gay

A/N: Are you enjoying this little fic of mine. Now, Teddy is Harry's age in my story, Teddy as in Remus's son. They are not related by blood and they are not brothers.

**_Chapter-7_ **

**_Dad, I am gay_ **

**Harry**

I attempt to calm down my heart. Dad can't know that I was kissing Draco. I'll have to leave this place all-together. I can't disturb Draco's life like this. He will move one. I am not his first and won't be his last. I'll try to move on too, though it would be difficult.

Only when I know that my eyes are blank and that my face doesn't have any evidence of the consuming kiss, do I turn around and cross my arms.

"Harry, what's the matter?" He asks me, his eyes wary.

"Let's take this inside dad. I want mum to be there for this." I reply and pull away from the railing.

"What's wrong. What's the meaning of this?" He asks me, his voice a bit annoyed.

I am his replica. I look completely like him, yet I know next to nothing about him. He is my father but I don't remember a single day when he just sat with me and spoke to me.

I ignore his alarmed eyes and walk towards the sitting room.

"Mum, will you come out." I call and mum replies, "yes."

Five minutes later find me in the sitting room with mum and dad. I look at dad and then at mum and then I look around. the manor. Somehow, I have a feeling that today is going to be my last day in this house. Though, I have never had a very strong relationship with my parents, this is still my home. I have lived here. I have played here. It seems strange to leave this place after sixteen years.

"Harry." Father whispers and I take a deep breath before looking at him, "I am gay."

He stares at me in shock, his eyes wide. I turn towards mum. She doesn't look surprised at all. In fact, it seems that she already knew. She looks at me with warm eyes and I turn at my joined hands, ashamed of myself. I am not exactly the epitome of an ideal son.

A tight slap on my face brings me out of my musings.

Humiliated, I rub my cheeks and continue staring at my hands. This is nothing I hadn't expected.

What I hadn't expected was mum's reaction. In a second, she has stood up and is standing between us, facing dad, her red hair flying behind her back, her stance defensive. In just another second, her wand is pointed at dad.

Dad tries to slap me again but mum casts a non-verbal stinging hex at him and while he is still distracted, she whirls around to look at me. But she isn't really looking at me. She is doing something with her hands. Belatedly, I realize that there is an impenetrable transparent shield around me now.

Her purpose accomplished, she swivels around to face dad who is looking at her in shock.

"You will not touch my son. He will not suffer what Sirius and Remus did."

"After all these years, you still-" Father starts, his voice heavy.

"Yes, I still love Sirius and it doesn't matter if he is gay. It never did. You were never what I had expected. You were, rather are a selfish bastard and you trapped me in this marriage. You refused to divorce me. You made false promises to me. Always bear it in mind that if there is someone I loved after Sirius, it's Severus, not you." She yells at him and Harry stares. Mum has never raised her voice, "Just because of you, Harry grew up fatherless-"

"I am his fa-"

"Only in name." She hisses at him.

Then mum does something that I will never forget. I will remember it as long as I breathe.

She mutters, her voice loud and calm, "I will duel you and don't forget that I am a master duelist. Severus taught me well. I will defeat you and I will send my son away from here. He will not lead a loveless life like I did."

It's good that she is standing in a way that I can see her face because she is a sight to behold. They are glaring at each other and Harry is really really stunned right now. He had never had an idea about all this.

Dad swallows and backs off.

"I want him out of here. He is sick. He is a pervert and I want him out of this house. I will disown him and you must get out as well. I will send the divorce papers tomorrow."

It hits like a tonne of bricks all at once when I realize that Snape hated me because of my dad, because he loves mum.

Dad tries to point his wand at me again, his face red with furybut mum shouts, "Expelliarmus." and dad's wand flies in her hands.

She roars at him, "I will break your wand. I will."

"All right. I am giving ten minutes to both of you to get out of my house. Give my wand back to me."

Mum throws the wand sharply towards dad and dad being an excellent seeker catches it before storming out of the room, his eyes burning with rage.

"Dad." I call and he whirls around to glare at me, "You are no son of mine. I am going to get the news of your disownment published in the Prophet tomorrow."

Dread settles in the pit of my stomach. Again, I had known that this would happen but still, it's a shock that dad would just disown me, just like that, as if I don't even matter to him.

Mum's shoulders are heaving and her hands are trembling. I can see tears on her cheeks.

"Mum." I whisper and she cuts me off, "You must leave for Hogwarts. I will arrange a transfer for you to some school in France. That's where Sirius and Remus live. You will live with them."

"But mom-" I start but mom quietens by wrapping me in her arms and murmuring, "No time to talk. Your father is too furious Harry- and believe me, I have always known. I love you, no matter what."

I hug her back and sigh before murmuring, "Draco is not ready to come out."

"Hmmm. Severus told me. It's okay. Good for you, though. You can explore your options." She mutters, her lips upturned in a smile.

"What do you mean?" I ask, smiling a bit and she just winks at me before pulling back, "Let it be a surprise. You seem to have forgotten him. Go and pack your things. You'll have to floo over to Severus's office. You will have to spend a couple of days in Hogwarts. Take care and stay away from trouble."

I nod and walk towards my room quietly. On the way, I pass Draco's room. It's open and empty and too quiet.

With a sigh, I resume my walk, my hands stuck in my pocket. He has already left. Again, nothing I hadn't expected.

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Next update will be in seven days. I will update this every Wednesday.


	8. Hidden past

A/N: I know that the prior chapter seemed rushed and I didn't portray the dynamics of the Potter family. There is a reason behind that but I am not going to say anything. I will tell you, however, that this is not the last of the Potters that you are reading.

**_Chapter-8_ **

**_Hidden Past_ **

**Harry**

"You lied to him." Initially, I had been feeling very guilty for spying on mum and Snape but I couldn't resist the temptation. I am at Hogwarts right now. Mum has not told me as to when I have to leave for France.

Initially I had thought that I won't miss dad. But now I think that I will miss him. His presence has been sparse but still he has always loved me, in his own way of course.

All thoughts flee from my mind when I hear professor Snape utter these words.

"I didn't lie. I didn't." Mum exclaims, her eyes burning as she settles down across Snape.

"Lily" Snape whispers and his eyes soften. I have never seen softness in his eyes. He is always glaring or sneering at everyone, "Lily. Listen to me. You don't love me. You love him and after Black, you have loved just him. You haven't slept with me, not even once. I am your best friend and I will always remain your best friend. I have accepted this fact. Why are you lying to him."

I stare at Snape. His voice is soft and soothing. It is melodious and I can see mum relaxing as he whispers, her eyes on her hands which are folded on the table, "He has no time for me. He loathes gay men. I don't understand why and he won't tell me. He never told me and it has been eating at him. He keeps himself busy very deliberately. There is something he has been hiding ever since we graduated, something that has been tormenting him because I know that he has no extra-marital affair and that he loves Harry. Sometimes when he thinks that no-one is looking, he looks at Harry with soft, apologetic eyes but he doesn't express his love. I am fed up. It's like he is pushing us away so that we can learn living without him. But why would he want that."

Snape grows silent and stares at mum. I can see guilt in his eyes. Then mum looks up and before he can turn his eyes blank, she sees the guilt.

"You- you know something, don't you." She mutters, shocked.

Snape sighs tiredly and spreads his hands in front of mum, "It's not my place to tell you Lily. It's not my secret, not my past. I loath him but that's just because you love him. He is a good man, an honest man and you need to talk to him. You need to press the issue. You- I mean, both of you can't isolate him. He shouldn't be isolated. Yes something has been haunting him. Yes he has still not recovered from it and no, I can't tell you. I will never sink so low."

I stare at him, stunned.

"Black and Lupin were his best friends. There had to be a solid reason for abandoning them. But you need to hear it from him, not me." Snape murmurs and I can see frustration in his eyes.

"I wish that you loved me. I wish it so much Lily. I wish it everyday but you don't and I can't keep you in dark. He loves you and you must- must not leave him alone. If he opens up to you, he will accept Harry and he will accept Black and Lupin too."

"I don't understand his homophobia. Peter said that James was attracted towards him. He said that James is bisexual-"

Snape cuts mum off and this time his voice is too sharp, "Oh! and Pettegrew has to be honest. He is the epitome of innocence and honesty. Bloody two-faced rat."

"Is this connected to Peter because Peter had completed his last year in some school in Berlin. What does it have to do with him?"

"I can't tell you.I won't tell anyone. You must talk to him. There is a reason he doesn't look at me Lily. He has always been proud. Why do you think he will refrain from mocking me at every turn? Don't ask anything from me please. I promised him and I don't break my promises." Snape mutters and gets up before leaving the room all-together.

Mum gets up too. Before she can look in my direction, I tighten my invisibility cloak around me and rush outside.

A day has passed since I left home and I have been wondering about dad's strong reaction ever since. I have avoided Draco and he has refrained from talking to me as well. The news that I am gay was all over the prophet in the morning. I have avoided walking alone to avoid bullying.

Now that I have heard professor Snape, I want to talk to dad. I want to know why he is homophobic, why he hates gay men so much.

I hurry towards headmaster's office to request him to let me floo over to dad's office.

After knocking twice, the huge door opens and headmaster Dumbledore whispers, "Enter."

"Sir. I want to meet my father before leaving. Can I please use your floo." I ask him and he smiles before showing me the way to it.

I walk towards it and mutter, "Dad's office." and floo over. Dad is sitting, staring at the ceiling quietly and the moment I stumble on his floor, he shoots up, staring in my direction, his wand out.

"Oh! It's you." He whispers, a few minutes later and drops his wand before slumping down on another chair, staring at me with unreadable eyes. I stay on the floor, my eyes boring into his.

"Dad." I whisper, a couple of minutes later. When he doesn't respond in any manner, I whisper, "I heard Snape talking to mum. He was saying something about some secret of yours that he can't reveal and that we shouldn't leave you. He won't say the secret though. I- I want to know what it is."

Dad looks at me with wide eyes, his body stiff with tension.

"He- he - how dare he? Bloody swine." Dad curses, beads of sweat on his forehead.

"He didn't tell mum. He didn't. I promise. Please relax dad." I exclaim in alarm before standing up and taking a step towards him.

"Don't. It's an abomination, a sickness. You are sick and you disgust me. My own son is sick just like my so-called best friends. I just had to be so unfortunate." He snaps at me though his eyes are terrified of something.

"Dad-" I start and he shakes his head before muttering, "Leave. Go to your godfather's place. I will punish you for being - being sick and unnatural if you stay in this place. I will find you and then I will punish you. Just leave as soon as you can. Don't come near me."

His eyes are still wide and I stare at him. He is really looking scared. I realize that Snape was right about dad.

"You must tell someone." I whisper and he yells at me with panicked eyes, "Leave my office before I get you thrown out. Just leave. You are no son of mine."

"I- owl me if you change your mind dad. I am your son. I am not your enemy. I love you. I just want to help you. Please let me help." I mutter and it takes my entire willpower to stand there as he glares venomously at me. He is looking crazy at the moment. I am very sure that whatever it is, has really terrified him.

"Leave. Just leave. I don't want to tell anyone about it. This is unnatural, sick. You are sick. My own son. God-damnit." He screams, his voice tortured and I floo back to headmaster's office because I can't see him so upset.

"Did he tell you?" As soon as I land on the floor, headmaster asks me in a soft voice and I stare at him, shocked.

"You know what it is?" I ask and Dumbledore sighs, his eyes sad, "Yes. Nothing that goes on in this castle escapes me Harry. I always know. Your father and grandparents asked me to keep it a secret. I had known that it would eventually lead to this. But you must leave, my dear boy."

"But-"

"He had needed a mind healer." Dumbledore goes on, his eyes lost as he speaks, "I had asked them to make him see a good mind-healer but they won't listen to me. James was only a teenager. Alas! Past can't be changed now."

"But sir, I can't just leave my dad like this." I whisper after sitting on a chair across him.

Dumbledore smiles tiredly at me, "You must Harry. Give time to your father. I am sure Lily will talk to him and he will come around."

"You are sure?" I ask him, needed some kind of reassurance because even if I am not close to dad, I still love him and I can't see him so - so terrified.

"Yes. Now, you must go to bed. It's beyond curfew. Sneaking upon your mother and professors doesn't become you Harry." I turn red and he dismisses me before returning to the large book that is placed in front of him. I walk out of the room, having forgotten that I have forgotten to wrap my cloak around me, my face still crimson.

Later I realize that it was really stupid of me to walk unprotected and unhidden in a castle full of homophobes.

XXXX

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